Ask counsel
Who should you listen to, and how?
Try it
You are Rehoboam. All Israel has come to Shechem to make you king (1 Kings 12:1), and they ask one thing:
“Your father made our yoke difficult. Now therefore make the hard service of your father, and his heavy yoke which he put on us, lighter, and we will serve you.”
1 Kings 12:4In context. The people of Israel to Rehoboam at his crowning: Solomon’s forced labor was heavy; lighten it and we will serve you.
They will come back for your answer in three days (12:5). Hear both sides of your table, then choose.
The elders
Your father’s counselors
They replied, “If you will be a servant to this people today, and will serve them, and answer them with good words, then they will be your servants forever.”
1 Kings 12:7In context. The elders’ counsel: be a servant to the people today and answer them kindly, and they will serve you always.
Ask about them
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Men who served your father, Solomon, while he lived (12:6). The text calls them the old men.
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The text does not say. Nothing in their advice adds to their own power: they ask you to serve the people (12:7).
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They served Solomon while he lived (12:6), and he reigned forty years (11:42).
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Yes. They served through your father’s heavy yoke (12:4), and through the years when Jeroboam, whom Solomon had put over the labor of the house of Joseph, turned against him and fled to Egypt (11:26-28, 11:40). Now Jeroboam is back, speaking for the people (12:2-3).
The young men
The friends you grew up with
The young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Tell these people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but make it lighter to us;’ tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. Now my father burdened you with a heavy yoke, but I will add to your yoke. My father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.’”
1 Kings 12:10-11In context. The young men’s counsel: answer harshly and promise an even heavier yoke.
Ask about them
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Men who grew up with you and now serve you (12:8). You were forty-one when you became king (14:21), so they are likely near your age.
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The text does not say. Follow the incentive anyway: they serve you (12:8), so their place rises with your power, and a heavier yoke would likely bring more to the court where they stand. That is a motive, not proof.
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You have been king for a matter of days (11:43, 12:1). The text gives them no years of service before that, only years of growing up beside you (12:8).
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Not from the people’s side. They grew up beside a prince (12:8) while your father’s heavy yoke held for forty years (11:42, 12:4). From the palace, it looked like it worked.
Day three. Whose counsel will you follow?
You followed the young men. So did Rehoboam.You followed the elders. Rehoboam did not.
On the third day Rehoboam answered in the young men’s words:
The king answered the people roughly, and abandoned the counsel of the old men which they had given him, and spoke to them according to the counsel of the young men, saying, “My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke. My father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.”
1 Kings 12:13-14In context. Rehoboam rejects the elders’ counsel and answers the people harshly, as the young men advised.
And the people answered him:
When all Israel saw that the king didn’t listen to them, the people answered the king, saying, “What portion have we in David? We don’t have an inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, Israel! Now see to your own house, David.” So Israel departed to their tents. But as for the children of Israel who lived in the cities of Judah, Rehoboam reigned over them. Then king Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was over the men subject to forced labor; and all Israel stoned him to death with stones. King Rehoboam hurried to get himself up to his chariot, to flee to Jerusalem. So Israel rebelled against David’s house to this day.
1 Kings 12:16-19In context. The northern tribes reject Rehoboam and the kingdom divides. Verse 15 adds that this fulfilled what the LORD had spoken.
A promise, not history. Nobody walked this path, so nobody can show where it led. On the table it is drawn dashed.
The elders said that if you served the people today and answered them with good words, they would be your servants forever (12:7). The people had offered the same trade: make the yoke lighter, and we will serve you (12:4).
The writer adds that the LORD was at work in this turn, keeping the word he had given Jeroboam through Ahijah the prophet (12:15). The text holds both: Rehoboam’s choice and God’s purpose.
Your turn: a friend asks to borrow $400
An example. His car needs a repair, and without it he cannot get to work. He says he will pay you back in two months.
Which way do you lean?
The case for lending, at its strongest
He came to me, not a bank, because he trusts me. Without the car he could lose his job, and then he could never pay anyone back. I can spare $400. Scripture speaks well of the one who lends to a neighbor in need (Psalm 112:5, Matthew 5:42). Helping a friend stay on his feet is part of being a friend.
The case for saying no, at its strongest
Money between friends changes the friendship: now he owes me, and I start keeping count. If it comes back late, or never, I lose the money and maybe the friend. The borrower becomes the lender’s servant (Proverbs 22:7). If I want to help, I can give a smaller amount outright, or help him find a cheaper repair.
Both cases are true of some friends and some loans. Now you know what you are weighing.
- Has done thisEmpty
- Gains nothing either wayEmpty
- Will tell you noEmpty
Pick the people you would ask. The three seats show what your table still needs.
Where prayer fits. Before you ask anyone, and again over what they tell you. James says that anyone who lacks wisdom should ask God for it:
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him.
James 1:5In context. James, writing to believers going through trials: anyone who lacks wisdom should ask God, who gives generously. A promise about asking, not a way around thinking.
A plain rule. Lend only what you could afford to give, because it may not come back. If it does not, the friendship does not have to pay for it. Proverbs 22:7, on Count the cost, says plainly what a loan does between two people.
What just happened
You and Rehoboam, at the same table
| Step | You | Rehoboam |
|---|---|---|
| Heard | Not yet | Both sides (12:6, 12:9) |
| Questions asked | 0 of 8 | One to each group: what counsel do you give? |
| Followed | Not chosen yet | The young men (12:13-14) |
Play the table above and this fills in as you go.
You asked before you answered. Proverbs counts that as wisdom: plans fail without counsel, and with many advisers they stand (Proverbs 15:22, 11:14). Rehoboam asked too, twice (1 Kings 12:6, 12:9). The trouble came after the asking.
Both sides sounded sure. The first to state a case seems right until someone questions him (Proverbs 18:17). That is why you heard the elders and the young men before you chose. Weigh it puts each side’s reasons on a scale.
Good counsel often rubs. Proverbs 27:17 pictures it as iron sharpening iron. The elders told a brand new king to serve, which is hard to hear in your first week. Advice that only pleases you is not sharpening anything.
Watch: why it helps to say you might be wrong
Hearing counsel well starts with being willing to be wrong. Three minutes on why that matters.
Steelmanning is the opposite of a straw man: you state the other side’s case at its strongest, in words that side would sign. The young men had a real case. Solomon’s heavy yoke held for forty years (1 Kings 11:42), and a king who gives way on day three may look weak. If you cannot say it that well, you have not heard it yet.
Follow the incentive. Ask what each adviser gains from the answer they give you. The young men served the king (12:8), so their place rose with his power. A motive is a reason to look harder, and it proves nothing alone: people with a stake can still be right. It is also why you want someone at the table who gains nothing either way.
A second example: the warranty at the till
A salesperson says the extended warranty is a must. Follow the incentive: a store makes money on warranties when it takes in more than it pays out in repairs, as it does in the example on Chance.
That does not make the advice wrong for you. It means the person giving it has a stake. So work out the average yourself, and ask someone who sells nothing.
Counsel is input, not a vote. Rehoboam did not have to count heads, and neither do you. Advisers give you reasons. You weigh them, pray, and own the choice. The answer was Rehoboam’s, and so was what followed (12:16-19).
Where you’ll meet this
| When | Who to hear | Ask what they gain |
|---|---|---|
| A friend asks to borrow money | Someone who has lent to a friend before, and whoever shares your money | Your friend gains the loan. The one who shares your money has a stake too. |
| A job offer | Someone who works there now, and someone in your field who is not hiring you | The hiring manager wants a yes. A recruiter may be paid when you accept: ask. |
| A medical second opinion | A second doctor, ideally one who would not be doing the treatment | Ask each one what they would do in your place, and whether they would be the one doing it. |
| A contractor’s quote | Two or three other contractors, and a neighbor who hired this one | The one quoting gains the job. More quotes show you the range. |
| A family disagreement | Each side alone first, then someone both sides trust | Each side gains being right. Look for the person who gains nothing either way. |
| Online reviews | Reviews that name both a good thing and a bad thing | The seller gains from five stars. Ask who wrote it, and whether they were given something for it. |
What Scripture says
Where there is no counsel, plans fail; but in a multitude of counselors they are established.
Proverbs 15:22In context. Plans go wrong without counsel; with many advisers they succeed.
Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.
Proverbs 27:17In context. As iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens another: honest friends improve each other.
One who walks with wise men grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
Proverbs 13:20In context. Walk with the wise and you become wise; the companion of fools is harmed.
Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter end.
Proverbs 19:20In context. Listen to counsel and accept instruction, so that you may be wise in the end.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10In context. The Teacher on companionship: two are better than one, because when one falls the other can lift him up.
Watch
Use it on your choice
Bring your own choice to the table. Name who you will ask, what each of them gains from your answer, and who will tell you no. Then pray, and decide.